Miss Manners: Sister-in-law invited too many people to mom’s party


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Dear Miss out on Manners: My husband’s sister has resolved to toss their mother a semiformal dinner party to celebrate her milestone birthday. The venue will be a stylish, innovative cafe. The hostess has reserved the restaurant’s personal dining place for the celebration. A deposit has been put, and invites have been despatched out.

Most of the attendees (which includes my family members and myself) are touring from out of town to attend. The guest listing is below 40 individuals. I just realized that the personal area will only accommodate about 70 percent of the guests who have RSVP’d consequently considerably. The hostess mentioned company who do not match in the private space will be seated in the restaurant’s main dining area.

It would seem rude to seat company (especially individuals who traveled from out of city) in a distinct space than the guest of honor. They will not be ready to hear any speeches or toasts, nor see the cake-cutting. The area is not even massive sufficient to have all of the guests mingle right after evening meal.

I am frightened that her mom will come to feel humiliated and that some of the guests could truly feel slighted by their seating assignments. I really do not consider the hostess realizes this situation can hurt people’s feelings.

Must I say my household is eager to be seated outdoors the place to no cost up 4 seats in the private home for other friends? Or ought to I hold my mouth shut and sit where I’m instructed?

Simply because the guest of honor is not your mom and the hostess is not your sister, the most secure class of action is possibly not to intervene or, as you advise, to volunteer to give up your possess seats.

Each and every right-imagining host and hostess tries to stay clear of unequal seating due to the fact of the repercussions you anticipate. When it are unable to be prevented, the hostess ought to apologize, make provisions so individuals excluded can see and hear, and talk to shut mates to sit in the next area, potentially designating a person as an auxiliary hostess.

What your sister-in-legislation is thinking eludes Pass up Manners. Why go to the difficulty of inviting attendees if you have no intention of looking following them? Thankfully, you can not be accused of rudeness if you sit this one particular out.

Expensive Skip Manners: My aunt and mother raised me to feel that, “If you just cannot keep, then you don’t go,” that means it’s rude to say to the host/hostess: “I can only remain a little whilst. I have one more social gathering to go to.” When one commits to go to a collecting, 1 does not depart early to go to an additional.

And suitable your aunt and mom are, even if 1 can — if you do not overuse it — inform the hostess how sorry you are to have to drop her invitation due to the fact you are already fully commited for a later time that day. If the hostess spontaneously responses that she understands and would fairly have you for two several hours than none, Pass up Manners will not item.

New Overlook Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/information. You can send issues to Overlook Manners at her web page, missmanners.com. You can also abide by her @RealMissManners.


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